Being Vulnerable
Society teaches us that strength is valued and vulnerability is something to consider as weak and shameful. Vulnerability can be understood, acknowledged, and used as a powerful tool of connection.
How Society “Brands” Vulnerability
This idea is particularly emphasized towards men and performance of masculinity in public spaces. Men are told “men don’t cry”, “suck it up”, and that you are expected to work hard, support yourself or your family, and don’t expect any thank yous; that less emotion is valued and a tough front is what you have to show everyone.
The idea that vulnerability is weak or shameful is also a message sent to women. Women are told that you need to make sure everyone is comfortable, you are expected to hold down the home, the family, schedules, appointments, and meals, and you are expected to be everything that everyone needs, with little or none of that consideration or caring being returned to you.
With the expected and assumed “default” by most of humanity as being heterosexual men and woman, the LGBTIA+ community, not fitting in that binary, inherently brings shame and resistance to vulnerability. You feel you don’t fit in anywhere, that no one is like you, that you are alone in this feeling, that love, community, romance, comradery, family, deep friendship, and honest acceptance of you, are foreign and not meant for you…all of this while feeling the the same pressures society places on men and women.
Vulnerability as a Superpower
Think about the people you are closest to, and the moments you remember best from your past. Odds are they involve some amount of vulnerability. To win a team sport it takes trust in your teammates to play their parts, with everyone working together; trust requires vulnerability. Who is your best friend and why? I’d wager you’ve had moments of vulnerability that created trust and made you choose them as your best friend.
Vulnerability that feels positive; wedding days, dating, loving your children/partner.
Vulnerability that feels negative; apologizing, dating, admitting your mistakes, accepting failure.
Vulnerability that feels neutral; letting go of control, trusting professionals to perform medical procedures, witnessing beautiful nature events.
Vulnerability does not equate to weakness of self or weakness of character. Moments of strategic vulnerability and learning how to mange them, can open us up to healing, deeper relationships, connection, and community, with practice.
Get Compassionate & Evidence-Based Therapy
If you notice that you often feel that vulnerability is a negative experience, then you may benefit from evidence-based therapy. As compassionate therapists with a dedication to individualized care, we’ll work with you to give you the tools you need to use vulnerability as a beneficial tool. For more information on our therapy services and how we can help you, click here to contact us today!