Why is Trust So Difficult?
Trusting others is easy if you’ve never experienced betrayal or lies; that could be defined as being naive. However, all of us have experienced this in out lives and once we are awakened to trust and how it can be broken, we may find it difficult to learn how to trust and whom to trust.
What is Trust?
Trust is a firm foundation of knowledge or proof that allows us to count on someone or something. Trust is built little by little by showing balanced amounts of honesty, dependability, loyalty (though not blind loyalty), integrity, and consistency over time.
What does it Look Like When We Have Experienced Lack of Trust?
We show we have experienced lack of trust by feeling betrayed often, having minimal or no expectations related to the actions of others, we are overly suspicious of others, feel like we are walking on egg shells, and many more behaviors. We may fear being vulnerable with others, we may have historical experiences of others not being honest with us, or we may have been hurt by others in the past when we trusted them before. All of these experiences cause us to put up barriers to trusting people.
How Can We Work On Gaining It Back?
As stated before trust is built little by little by showing balanced amounts of honesty, dependability, loyalty (though not blind loyalty), integrity, and consistency over time. Berne Brown, an acclaimed author who writes books on shame and educates leaders on how to build trust, likens trust to a jar where once someone demonstrates one of these attributes, they would receive a marble. Over time you can see who has the most marbles and who is worthy of your trust; who you can count on and who you be fully honest with, but also.. who does not deserve your trust.
Some will test the trustworthiness of others by examining each behavior listed above in various ways: catching people in lies with evidence (honesty), observing to see if your private information told to others gets spread around (dependability/loyalty), watching to see if people actions match their words or doing the morally right thing even when no one is watching (integrity), and looking for the same repeatable dependable actions (consistency).As stated before, building trust will mean performing these actions or another person in your life performing these actions little by little over time.
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If you notice that you often feel you cannot trust or are experiencing issues being trusted, our experts are trained in sensitivities to these feelings. As compassionate therapists with a dedication to individualized care, we’ll work with you to give you the tools you need to increase trust in your life. For more information on our therapy services and how we can help you, click here to contact us today!